Wednesday, June 15, 2016


In today’s modern world the word belief is used carelessly. It is thought of as a meaningless verb that can be substituted into any sentence when stating expectations. If you really think about it, “believe” can almost always be replaced by “expect”. I believe that the war will be won. I expect that the war will be won. I believe that he will survive. I expect that he will survive. I believe that he loves me. I expect that he loves me. However, these expectations, like most things in life have in some ways morphed. They have turned into not expectations on situations, but on people. I expect them, to win the war. I expect him, to survive. I expect him, to love me. These mutations continue to grow and develop until nothing is left but expectation. Impossible expectation that is universally known and universally disappointed. There is always a stereotype. Always a mainstream model that everyone pretends to brush off as too basic but secretly all aspire to be. There is always the perfect girl who hates how she looks and even though everyone wishes they were her, she still cries herself to sleep because she doesn’t see what they see. Because people think that you want what you can’t have. However, in reality, it’s not that you can’t have it that makes it appealing. If you think about it a thin girl with a fast metabolism doesn't necessarily wish she was fat. It’s not that we can’t have it. The truth is, that every human organism grows up in a certain unique environment. Every human organism is accustomed to certain conditions. But by the basic laws of existence, nothing is perfect. Nothing is truly without fault. So perhaps it’s not that we can’t have something that makes it appealing, but more that we haven't had the time to find the faults in a situation that make it so seemingly perfect. Perhaps if we had more time we could see the makeup covering the models flesh to make her skin seem perfect. Or we could see the sadness photo shopped out of her eyes. Perhaps if given more time, we could see that expectation is just somebody telling us what they personally think we should be. And perhaps we could see that they were wrong. Because even within expectation there are faults. Even within the universal belief that everyone needs to be a certain way there are faults. If you look around you at the world you are living in, you will see fault. And if you look in the mirror, you will see fault. However, fault does not have to be negative. Fault can be unique. Fault can be interesting. Fault can be the one thing in life that keeps us from dying of boredom. But in the end what is fault really? Fault is the reality of unrealistic expectation. And without reality what would any of us really be?


Monday, June 6, 2016

Looking Out my Window

Looking out my window, I have noticed many things. I’ve seen sun sets and sun rises. I’ve seen seasons change year after year. I have seen human life going on, unaware that it was being observed. As a child, looking out my window wasn’t just a pastime or a thing to do when I was bored. It was a routine. A tradition. A necessity in my day to day life. Moving from Mom’s house to Dad’s. Moving from building to building. From street to street. From window to window. From view to view. There was always a new story to be observed. However, in an ever changing life taking place in an ever changing world, I suppose I was looking for a constant. Something to rely on. Something to hold on to. Unfortunately, my search was in vain and it didn’t take long to realize that the only constant in life is change.

My first window was at my father’s house. A large slab of glass with a shiny wooden border and dull green curtains. A rust colored radiator with a smooth flat surface was fit right beneath it. Inviting warmth flowed from it and it was the perfect size for my brother and I to sit and watch the people walking. Little bubbles of air were trapped within the glass and if you looked closely you could almost see a little scene inside each one. The sun would shine on our faces as it was setting and the tall brown stone buildings across the street looked as if they were letting off a golden glow. The willow tree on the corner would transform from green to orange to brown to pink to green again as it moved through the seasons. It felt like we could just sit there watching forever. People who had no idea they were being watched rushed up the block. The baby tree that my dad said was ours grew stronger and taller each day. My dad waving goodbye as he drove off to work. Just my brother and I. Me, smiling like I have never smiled before. Maybe he never realized it, but I loved our spot by the window. Watching people who had no idea they were being watched. Observing life without ever being exposed to it. Of course he grew up though and joined the world we had watched together. And I watched as he walked away.

My next window was a few years later. In my bedroom at my mother’s house. My bed laying against the wall so that I barely had to move to gaze outside. You could hear the screams of children from the school across the street. Everyday kids would walk by but there was never a single familiar face among them. The cracks in the pale pavement made the street look like a web and you had to be careful not to get caught. I saw the the big tree across the street get torn from the ground by a storm. I saw a new baby tree being planted. I saw the newborn across the street grow into a preschooler who knew my name. I saw my brother taking out the trash on thursday nights. I saw him growing away from me. I saw the same little kids trick or treating year after year until they stopped. I saw the same groups of friends having snowball fights winter after winter until they stopped. I saw life through the glassy eye of my window frame until I stopped. Until i stepped away. Until I put on my shoes and went outside. Until I finally joined the world I had been so content on watching.

Looking back, I guess I was looking for a constant. Something to rely on. Something to hold on to. However, at the end of the day. At the end of the year. At the end of your life. The only constant is change. So I suppose that looking through my window for all those years I noticed change, not only in my surroundings, but in myself.


Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Fight

I came across this extremely inspiring speech that I wanted to share,

"Life brings battles and that's something we have to fight with everyday of our lives. We meet people and we get to know them, but is knowing them ever enough? No, we start to know them by talking to them. Seeing them. Understanding who they are and what they are going through and we try and understand, but you see you always understand because you as a person can relate, but you start to ask yourself the question; Why can't people just think? Well it's a funny thing, people think and think and don't know how to answer their problems, so they seek the answer through others. Hoping, they can find the answer. Well, maybe, you can find they answer by watching others. Watching how the world can change at a rapid pace and can people change with it. But do you change with it as well? This world, this wonderful place we call earth. We are here and we are supposed to make it better but instead, we the people of earth are hurting the world. And since we are apart of this world, we the people start to hurt each other, and blame others and go through those constant battles that sometimes aren't beatable. So then we go to war over it. Point wars, because one person can't agree for one decision that's good for everyone. You can argue over it and you may sit there for hours but eventually you do come up with something. You come up with a resolution to the problem and you finally agree with something that's good for everyone and at the end of the day you saved them. You were finally able to use your mind and to actually think for once and to benefit everyone. Then you live life and fail to analyze what's happening because your mind isn't open to what's happening and then once when you finally realize what's happening it's too late. It's gone. Unreachable. Then you think about it and you think deeply, really deeply, and then you understand. You finally understand what has been happening and unfolding right in front of your very eyes. But it only happens when it's finally gone and you actually have time to think about what happened. You try to fix it but you’re not sure if you can. So that's when you fight really hard. You Fight. And when a person puts you down, are you just going to stay there on the ground and cry because you’re not strong enough? No, you get back on your feet and you train your hardest. You train your ass off and then you see results. You see, just how strong you've become and you’re not scared. YOU ARE NOT SCARED to face the next big challenge that comes and/or stands in your way. You take that challenge head first and if they knock you down what do you do? YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET AND FIGHT, YOU HAVE TRAINED FOR THIS DAY, YOU HAVE PUSHED TO AND BEYOND YOUR LIMITS AND HAVE ACHIEVED GREATNESS BUT DOES IT STOP THERE? NO! You Keep fighting and you keep pushing yourself because if you don't, all your hard work. Everything you ever wanted to achieve is gone. So what are you gonna do? YOU’RE GOING TO FIGHT THE GREAT BATTLE AND YOU’RE GOING TO BECOME STRONGER AND YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE GREAT WISDOM AND HAVE THE COURAGE TO NOT LET ANYTHING STAND IN YOUR WAY. Well what are you waiting for, I think we all know what you have to do. TODAY IS THE DAY WHERE YOU SHOW YOURSELF, THE PEOPLE, AND THE WHOLE WORLD WHAT YOU ARE AND CAN BE, BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD AND IN PEOPLE. It’s the great fight we all have to go through but you have to make the effort to achieve them and you have what it takes. "

-By Christopher Torres

This is really important, because life is hard, life does throw challenges at you, but you have to persevere, and you have to work through it, because after every difficult time comes an amazing one that makes it all worth it.


Sunday, December 21, 2014

Life is...

It's so confusing.
Some say it's a gift that god gave us. Some say its a pointless curse. But life is just a tool. It's just a symbol. A symbol that you give meaning to. You can say life is good and it will be. You can say life sucks, and it will. It's as simple as that, because it's your reality. But here's the confusing part. Everyone has there own reality, but at the same time some people are in other peoples reality. So... basically we are all part of one big spider web. One with millions of strands. One that would take forever to make is conjured up within seconds of our existence. Because as soon as we are born, our strand is created. And as soon as we are born, there are people in our life. So it is one big confusing spider web, that keeps growing as we do, and keeps adding more strings as more people come and go from our life, and it keeps getting more confusing as our lives get more complicated. And its hard not to get lost. But somehow, we manage it. It just take a while to figure out how.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Be Happy

Don't go running around looking for something better, just be happy with what you have.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014


Life is a beautiful thing. It can slip through your fingers so quickly, but once it's there in front of you it's a wonderful experience that is waiting for all of us to enjoy. My grandmother died on Friday. The pain of her passing is indescribable. I thought I would never stop crying. In the moment you don't want to think, you don't want to experience the heart ache that it can cause you. At her Wake, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have tears left to cry, I didn't have the courage  to talk about how she lived. My cousins helped me. They showed me that I could laugh. At first I didn't want to laugh. I felt as if it was disrespectful, but as I laughed I realized that this is what she would have wanted. She always wanted us to be happy, she always made us laugh, as I sat with my family I realized that by laughing and being happy about the time we spent together before her passing we were honoring her in the way she wanted. Although during the funeral we cried, I'll always remember he as the amazing woman who only wanted us to be happy. For that I say thank you.

Thank You Nana.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A Quote from the Movie "Meet Joe Black"

I just thought that this was so beautiful.

 "I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without. I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy, and who'll love you the same way back. How do you you find 'em? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Because the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."